The tool is simply this; assess which of two camps an attraction falls into; an “attraction of deprivation”, or an “attraction of inspiration.”

 Attractions of deprivation draw us in like an undertow, and usually get us hurt. In these relationships, we keep feeling we have to do something to win our partners’ love, approval, or care. It’s a painful pattern, but it’s hugely compelling. Behavioral theory, for example, teaches that intermittent reward is the most compelling system of reinforcement, and the hardest to break free from. In intermittent reward systems, you get rewarded only sporadically, and you can’t control when the reward will come.

 Gambling is a perfect example of intermittent reward.  So are attractions of deprivation.

•  Have you ever been crazy about someone who wasn’t available, or wasn’t good for you?
• Have you ever invested way too much time trying to teach someone to treat you right?

If you haven’t, come introduce yourself. I don’t think we’ve met yet.

 I spent many years believing that attractions of deprivation were real love, because they drew me so intensely. I assumed that my relationships failed because of a lack in me, not because of a fatal flaw embedded in the attractions themselves.

 One day, I had a revelation. True, my intense attractions always included unavailability as a main ingredient. But I was also able to fall deeply in love with qualities of kindness, decency – and availability.  The problem was that I was looking for turn-on first, and not inspiration. Of course there had to be a spark of attraction, but there were certainly people who attracted me and inspired me too! I realized that I had two totally different systems of wiring—and I could choose which to follow. From that point, I began to look for people who inspired me with their goodness. And that’s when things began to change.

 If we aren’t trained to make this distinction, our romantic choices will be less wise, and our romantic futures bleaker.

 How do we recognize attractions of inspiration? In attractions of inspiration,  we don’t have to earn love by fixing our imperfections. Our partners might challenge us to be better, but at bottom, they love us for who we are.

 Attractions of inspiration are fueled by the actual sense of well-being the relationship creates in us, not by the unrelenting itch for something that’s denied us.

•  Are you inspired by your partners (mostly) consistent caring?
• Are you inspired by your partner’s goodness and decency?
• Is your love fueled by respect for the kind of person your partner is?

 If so, celebrate. You have found an attraction of inspiration, and it should be treasured. It’s the type which can sustain a future of love.

 Attractions of inspiration have a warmth; an easiness. In these relationships our challenge is to accept our partners’ caring, not to win it.

 These attractions often unfold slowly. They get richer as time goes on, (yes, with lots of work – but these relationships allow the work of intimacy.) Their beauty comes from shared kindness, and mutual respect. They make us feel full and loving, not desperate for love.

 You may be thinking, “What a fairy tale. Finding someone like that is like finding a needle in a haystack.”  But when we decide that we’ll only pursue attractions of inspiration, we find ourselves meeting and dating more people who inspire us, and spending much less time with those who don’t.

Try assessing all your relationships based upon this tool.. The more relationships of inspiration you allow yourself to have, the happier your whole life will be.

Warmly,

Ken

 Here’s the story:

 A woman was searching determinedly through her yard for something. A friend passed by and asked what she was looking for. She said that she had lost a pair of earrings with a great deal of sentimental value. Her friend asked where she saw them last, and the woman told her she’d last seen them in the living room. Her friend asked the obvious question, “Well, why aren’t you looking there?” And the woman answered, “It’s too dark inside, I can see better in the yard.”

 In your dating life, what’s your “living room” – the place where you know the real work lies, but which you’d prefer to avoid? Here are just some examples; trust your own gut responses to this question.

•   It might be inner work, such as getting help with emotional, sexual, or compulsive behaviors which hold you back.
• It might be about logistics; are you looking in non-virtual places where real people connect — people  who share your values? (those are the best places, in my opinion. Online resorces are great, but they can’t take the place of real interactions with new people.)
• It might be in the people you choose; do you get serious only with people whose values inspire you? Because if you are dating anyone else, you’re ultimately wasting your time.
• And finally, do you show your “soul” when you meet someone whose values you love? Do you show your passion, your tenderness, your quirkiness, your wildness, your emotional and sexual edges? (In the appropriate time frames, of course!)  Or do you show an airbrushed, less original version of yourself? Do you risk showing your true self?

 Take a few moments and write down your honest answers. Then talk to a friend, get feedback, and articulate, in a nitty-gritty way, how your insights translate into specific new goals. And, stay in touch with them — let them support you and hold you accountable to your goals. 

 Not everyone will identify with this entry. For those of you who do, here’s a challenging but wonderful reality; you probably won’t be able to sustain the steepness of this climb  if you do it alone, without help and support. That’s just how life works; we really do need each other to grow.

 Please comment and share your insights. Fellow readers will find meaning and direction from your own personal story.

 And congratulations on your bravery. The intimacy journey is not for the faint of heart!

Warmly,

Ken

Quantum physics, the great sages, and psychology all teach the same lesson; when we touch any part of our lives with caring compassion and non-judgmental attention, that part of our lives can blossom. In the presence of a dating buddy relationship, our dating lives can change.

I once tried to find my way out of the woods without my compass. I just trusted in my best judgment and my memory. And I spent hours making hellish circles, never getting out of the woods. Every time I thought I was close, I’d end up at the same swamp I started from! So I pulled out my compass, and it directed me – in ways that didn’t feel right, and didn’t feel familiar. But its directions got me right out of the woods.

We all fall into patterns which feel familiar and compelling, yet just don’t work. And that’s where we need an outside eye. Often, our friends can pinpoint – in about a minute- what blocks us from finding real love. But we don’t ask, and we don’t really want to listen.  It’s a very enriching experience to allow yourself to be both student and teacher with the same person, and that’s what you’ll have with the right dating buddy.

In my decades as a therapist, I’ve seen this again and again: clients who request and use the advice of wise, loving friends have more successful lives.  Dating may be a lonely journey, but you don’t have to take it alone. Having a dating buddy will definitely make it more fun.

This will be an important relationship for you, so choose well. As with a therapist, it makes a huge difference whom you choose. It must be someone who will keep your secrets secret. Someone who, even with their own struggles and disappointments, can still bring a sense of hope to your journey. Someone emotionally safe, and insightful. 

How do you find such a wonderful person? Here’s my suggestion. Look at your address book from the past few years.  Go through your list and ask yourself these questions:

 Ø Who is kind?
Ø Who has wisdom?
Ø Who is essentially reliable, and really cares about you?

Highlight each person’s name.  Dating buddy or not, they are your path to happiness. They are your dream team. Wherever they live, whatever they are doing in their lives, they are your home in the world. Every one of them is someone you should stay close to, lean on, give to, and treasure. And any one of them who is single can be your dating buddy. (You can also do this with someone who isn’t single, or who isn’t seeking a partner. They can pick their own heartfelt goal, and you can coach them toward it).

If you don’t have any friends like this, then I encourage you to make it a priority to discover what you can do to change that. Therapy and support groups are two good suggestions.

I can virtually promise you two things: You will enjoy having a dating buddy, and your dating life will change and grow in ways that you probably couldn’t have achieved on your own. Please do comment and let us know how your dating buddy experience is proceeding. If I get enough people who have dating buddies, I will offer a mini-curriculum for you to work on, and make it part of this blog. Good luck!

 It’s a huge investigation for a single blog entry, I know. But whenever any part of these entries speaks to you, think of it as almost homeopathic –small in dose, yet valuable in the ripples it initiates within you. When something hits home, take time to let it ripple through you.

 The false self is usually born of trauma; most often “small t trauma”. Large T trauma includes things such as rape, war, natural disasters, or intense abuse. Small t traumas may not make the headlines, but they wound us to our core, and cause us to feel afraid or ashamed of our true self. Some examples of small t trauma include being devalued in our family of origin, growing up in a family with mental illness or addiction, being raised by narcissistic parents, etc. When an aspect of our real self is repetitively met with  abuse, derision, or simply lack of interest, we forge a false self to protect ourselves or get our needs met. Future blogs will explore trauma in more detail.

 Here’s an image which captures what happens to the true self in the presence of trauma. Imagine a pet in a yard with an invisible electric fence. When the pet walks into the invisible current, it gets shocked. It only takes a few jolts for the animal to realize that it will be punished if it moves past its allowed area. In a short period of time, it doesn’t even notice the borders; it becomes placidly accustomed to its limits. The world outside the fence just isn’t worth the pain.

 What parts of your authentic self did you have to hide or camouflage in your childhood?

 Now imagine removing the electric charge from the invisible fence, and placing a bowl of food outside its perimeter. Your pet might be starving, but it will still be terrified to enter into the newly free space. And when it finally does cross the line, it will most likely feel highly anxious, anticipating the pain of new shocks.

 It is the same with us; even if we sense the freedom of our true self, some deep reflexive part still tries to protect us. These are the effects of trauma, and our best thinking won’t get us out of it. We need something with much greater leverage.

 Where in your relationships are you confined to too small a space? What are you not expressing?

 Here are three paths out of the hypnosis of the false self. They all have something in common; they each ask us to depend upon relationships for help. The best way out of an old hypnosis is through a current relationship which reminds us of something better. The following  relationships have the power to free us from the thrall of fear and shame which traps us in our false selves:

 1)      Friends, Family, and Loved Ones: Of the people you know, who sees and relishes your true self? Who isn’t too afraid of your passion, or too envious of your gifts? These people are gold. Practice leaning on them more. They are, quite simply, the way out. You won’t be able to do it without them. When you date someone like this, recognize what progress you’ve made to let them in, and celebrate that.

 2)      Your Spiritual Connection: Each of us has a gravitational pull toward love, truth and connection. Whether or not you believe in a deity, you have a part inside you which feels like your very core, where you sense your greatest humanity, generosity and caring. The more connection you have to that part, the more joy and love you can hold in your life. Whatever helps you connect to that part of you is a spiritual practice. In future posts, I will write about how to find a spiritual practice that works for you

 3)    Psychotherapy: When you feel stuck in patterns which hurt or limit you, psychotherapy is a powerful tool for change. In my work as a psychotherapist, I find that EMDR is profoundly effective in helping clients free themselves from the effects of trauma and strengthen their connection to their true self.  EMDR is the most highly researched method of resolving trauma-related issues, and although it’s not for everyone, I find it invaluable for breaking through the bonds of fear, trauma and shame, and I use it with many of my clients.

 Ultimately, the great goal is to develop moment to moment intimacy with your true self. Your true self will delight you, frighten you, and ask for greater and greater trust. When you share the risky parts, and are met with love and acceptance…well, there are few greater thrills. It’s like climbing a mountain; whole new vistas of intimacy open up. So let us know your stories. (And remember the Al-Anon rule: Say what you mean, mean what you say, and don’t say it mean!)

 My wise mentor John McNeill* gave me an insight which is changing my life, and I very much want to share it with you. He asked me one single question, which I will soon ask you, and that question roused a sleeping giant. Each of us has such a giant, I believe, and when we unshackle it, our intimacy life truly changes.

 John’s insight was based upon Dr. James Mastersen’s concept of the true self and the false self. (Mastersen, who recently died, was a brilliant psychiatrist who was considered a world expert in narcissism.) Mastersen posited that we develop a false self designed to protect us when it isn’t safe to share our true self with our parents or the world. I was describing a  challenging decision I was facing, and John said to me; “I have a feeling that you don’t have enough access to your true self in this situation.” And he asked me what I thought my true self was, and what my false self was. I knew about the concept of true and false self, but I had never bluntly asked myself the question. And when I did, my answer was clear. Scarily, beautifully clear. I had been putting my obligations ahead of my well being, and those obligations were becoming senior to me. My false (people pleaser) self wouldn’t let me say no without guilt. My true self knew this was wrong, and yearned to take a stand.  Yet my false self just wasn’t strong enough to do that. And the truth is that my false self will never, ever be strong or brave enough to handle my life. Without a visceral connection to my true self, I would never have the power to put myself ahead of my many obligations. Naming and valuing my true self gave me the courage I needed to take my next steps.

So, now I want to ask you: What is your true self, and what is your false self in your intimacy life? I want you to go with this question – in a minute.  First, let me set the stage a bit. And, when you do this exercise,  I’d love to hear your responses. (Please share your comments. I’m getting too many comment/ads for Canadian pharmaceuticals!)

 The concept of the true self is close to the concept of core gifts. Our true self is our gift self. And a gift isn’t an easy thing to have, especially when our parents don’t know how to teach us to honor that gift.

 Here are just a few examples to help get you thinking:

•  John had a great capacity for empathy, and his mother enlisted him to be her confidant. Instead of letting her gifted son simply be a child, she made him into a counselor/spouse. When John grew up, he was afraid to get close to a partner for fear of being suffocated in that same way. He developed a false self; a numb part of him that just fled when people started to really care.

• Susan had intense emotional intuition; she sensed her family members pain and tried to wrestle with it herself. When she pointed out what was really happening in her family, her mother would get very upset; she wasn’t strong enough to face these issues. Her father would become furious and threatening. She developed a false self, which was terrified of hurting or being hurt by them if she shared the power of her insights. 

• Janet was strong in presence and very talented. Her parents were insecure and taught her not to risk. She developed a false self that was afraid to achieve, and only dated people who didn’t see or appreciate her power and capacity.

• James had a tender heart, and he grew up in a harsh and angry family. His parents saw his sensitivity as weak, and humiliated him until he learned never to show it.  He learned to act tough and angry himself, and he wouldn’t let people see his vulnerable parts.

So, now here it comes: Take a few minutes and answer these questions. Please share your insights with your dating buddy or trusted loved ones. Without sharing your insights, it will be much harder to engage your own sleeping giant.

1. What aspects of your true self have you been frightened to claim?
2. What is the false self you created to hide your true self?
3. How do you hide your true self in your dating life?
4. What would it look like to share that true self with people you date and people you meet?

As long as we lead with our false self, we will always feel inadequate. Because the false self  is inadequate. It has no link to our personal power. It’s like climbing a wobbly ladder. There will be a constant feeling uncertainty, creating a vicious cycle of compensation.

 When we honor and express our true self, our world can’t help but change. And we discover that those who are worthy of our love will embrace these parts of us. That’s where the liberation begins to take on a life of its own.

 But it’s not an easy thing to do. In the next post, I will talk about what enables us to reclaim our true self.

 Enjoy this question, and relish your answers. They are personal keys to the change you seek. 

*John McNeill is an author, theologian and spiritual teacher whose insights have changed the lives of countless thousands. His blog is at JohnMcNeillspiritualtransformation.blogspot.com.  His website is johnjmcneill.com. And please note: John’s themes of liberation and spiritual freedom apply to everyone, although his focus is on the Catholic Church and GLBT people. His work has guided me in all dimensions of my life. I hope you enjoy discovering him as well.

We often think that we need to be different than we are in order to find love, or that we need to re-shape ourselves to become more desirable. This approach to finding love just doesn’t work. It makes us insecure, which places us at the mercy of people who don’t really appreciate us. Gift Theory, the perspective I’ve developed which informs much of my work as a psychotherapist, states that a primary human task is to identify, honor and express our core gifts, and to discover and embrace the gifts of the people we love. As a psychotherapist, one of my main goals is helping my clients name their own core gifts and understand the challenges and possibilities that these gifts hold.

So, how do we discover these gifts?  We can find them most easily in our moments of greatest joy and connection. Yet, it can be a revelation when we find our deepest gifts exactly in the places where we have been hurt the most, where we have been most misunderstood, and where we feel the most shame. I’ll teach how how to do this in future posts. For today, we will begin to acknowledge your gifts by going back to very positive moments in your life.  I’m going to ask you a few simple questions. Take about ten minutes to write your answers. Don’t think too much. Write from your gut and write from your heart. The more uncensored you are, the more insights you will gain.

• Think back to a time in your life when you felt deep loving passion, profound tenderness, or deep connection with another person (or people, or animals, nature, God, etc).
• Describe the specifics of that moment in writing, including a description of what happened to trigger these feelings.
• Try to remember how you felt, and bring yourself back there for a moment. What did you feel in your heart? Do you remember how you felt in your body? This was a moment when one or more of your gifts were alive and liberated.
• What were some words to describe what you felt in your heart? These exact feelings reflect your core gifts. In some people’s lexicon, they might be called glimpses of your soul. In your intimacy journey, they capture what you are capable of feeling in love. A partnership which allows you to touch and glimpse these parts of yourself in a non-obsessive way is the greatest of gifts.  

You can do this exercise with as many experiences as you like, and each time you do it, you will have more of an understanding of your core gifts. When you can name your gifts, you will be more able to treasure and honor them, and when you seek out partners who are capable of honoring them, your intimacy life will change.

When we decide to share our most intimate self, we must learn self protection. We need to decide who deserves the treasure of our vulnerability. Who will honor it, and who will shame us for it? It is tremendously empowering to learn to say no to those who haven’t earned the right to our gifts. In your circle of friends and loved ones, who can you trust to honor these parts of yourself? Those people are gold, and I encourage you to celebrate and deepen their presence in your life. And in your dating life, let the above serve as a litmus test. Those that honor and appreciate your gifts are worthy of your time and energy. They are the ones with whom you can find real happiness.

Does this e-lesson speak to you? If so, please help build our community by passing it on to any single friends who might benefit from it (just use the share and tell button below), and please share your comments and thoughts about this post by clicking the comments button.

Warmly,

Ken Page, LCSW 

 We get most wounded around the places where we are the most gifted, because these are the places where we care most deeply. Honoring these gifts and learning to share them with wisdom and generosity is the most direct path to love. 

 Each of us has unique “core gifts”. These gifts might not feel like talents or strengths, but they are the places where we feel and care the most deeply. They are as unique as fingerprints, and I believe that they are the wisest, most exciting, and most straight-on path to intimacy. When we feel our gifts, we sense that we have something precious to offer. We feel our humanity most strongly in these places. Sometimes it’s glorious, but sometimes it can be unbearably painful. So we learn to bury or cover these gifts, or to craft airbrushed versions of them which keep us safe. But every layer of cover-up removes us one step further from love. 

 In my psychotherapy practice, I often feel that the greatest gift I can give my clients is to help them identify and honor their core gifts, and to understand the  challenges which these gifts demand of them in their lives. Because gifts are not easy things to have. They bewilder us with their intensity. People take advantage of them. Or they seem to set us apart from the world, and we despair of meeting any partner who shares them or even appreciates them. Here are just a few examples:

•  A tenderness, a sensitivity that makes us feel like we don’t fit into this harsh world.
• An intense sense of loyalty which can make us stay too long in situations which hurt us.
• A generosity of spirit which people may have taken advantage of.
• Personality characteristics which go against societal conditioning.
• A level of honesty that can threaten other people.
• An innate sense of empathy which can get us lost in the needs of others, to our own detriment.

 Some gifts defy description, like a wordless ache or longing, a deep sense of grief for the world, or a feeling of undefined power or connectedness.

 When we claim our core gifts and become brave enough to share them with others, something amazing happens. We begin to attract people who delight in our gifts and love us for who we really are. We become stronger and more connected with others, and we lose our taste for people who chip away at our self esteem. A love based upon mutual appreciation of each others’ core gifts is a love that can soar and can last.

Future lessons will teach how to identify your own core gifts, and how to use them in ways that bring greater love and meaning into your life.

What do you think your core gifts are? And how have they influenced your life thus far? Please share your thoughts by clicking “comments”. Our community will grow stronger and more effective as more readers share their experiences, struggles and insights.

Warmly,

Ken

 The most common way we sabotage new love possibilities is through what I call The Wave of Distancing (or simply, the Wave). The Wave occurs when we unconsciously push a caring and available person away by inwardly diminishing his or her worth.

 Groucho captured it perfectly: “I don’t care to belong to any club that will have me as a member.”

 Here’s what this phenomenon might look like: You’re dating someone caring and available, and there has been at least a spark of attraction for you. And yet:

• You can’t find the sense of affection and desire you once had.
• You keep getting irritated at them or bored by them.
• Their flaws make you quickly lose respect for them, even if you don’t show it
• You start yearning for the excitement of the hunt
• You feel like a fraud, pretending you’re still interested when inside you just don’t feel it anymore.

This has huge implications for our romantic lives. If we can’t navigate the Wave, we’ll keep going after the wrong people and passing the right ones by.

 I’ve suffered badly from this tendency. And when I finally learned a way out, it changed my life. In both my workshops and my psychotherapy practice, many people have found comfort in knowing that this is an almost universal syndrome, and one which doesn’t have to trap us.

 So what do you do when The Wave hits? The main thing is to recognize that it is just a wave. And waves pass. In most cases, your affection just went temporarily underground. Even though you can’t feel it, its probably still there. If you can just give yourself a bit of space – you’re allowed! - and keep a sense of good will toward the person you’re dating, the feelings almost always come back.

 And when the Wave passes, you’ll probably find an added benefit. You’ll have a clearer view of who this person is and what you feel for them.

Have you ever gotten close to a bird’s nest in the wild? It’s very disconcerting. The mother bird’s most precious possession is in danger, and she does wild things to keep you away from the nest. She may attack you, or she may act as if she has a broken wing, distracting you away from the nest. It is a desperate instinctual response to having her nest endangered.

When someone is available and decent, something inside us knows they can get to our nest, our soul; the place where we care the most and can be hurt the most. And our unconscious gets panicked. It does whatever it can do to get us away. Like the protective bird, it creates a ruse; anything at all to keep the nest safe. And the Wave can completely throw us off course — unless we know better.

 Let’s briefly explore another rich dimension of this wave. When we risked our heart in the past and were met with coldness, distance or abuse, some part of us learned that there is something shameful about being so vulnerable. So now, when someone becomes vulnerable with us, our old wounds come back and unconsciously instruct us that there is something shameful in our partner’s vulnerability. The more we’ve been shamed for our openheartedness, the more we will be prone to the Wave. It can be tremendously helpful to do deeper therapeutic work to heal these wounds. But whether or not you choose to do deeper work on this issue, the techniques I’m describing can still help immensely when the Wave hits.

 In fact, when you are in this position, it may be time to celebrate! You may well have just found someone who is really good for you.

 Please know that I’m not advocating that you settle for less, or that you discount your intuition that someone doesn’t feel right for you. What I am suggesting is that you simply let the Wave pass, and let the affection wash back in. And then see how you feel. And do that as many times as you need to. It may change your dating life.

 Have you experienced the Wave in your dating life? Please join us in our discussion and tell us your story, and what you learned from it.

 Are you in the Wave now with someone? Let us know what happens.

 Warmly,

Ken Page

 Young or old, single or coupled, we’re all students of intimacy. Each of us is faced with the challenge – and the great privilege – of learning love. We get endless academic and professional training, but almost none in the area that counts the most. That’s why I’ve decided to offer this series of lessons and forums.  If you follow the ideas that ring true to you, your dating life will change. You will meet people who are more available and more worthy of your heart. I can almost guarantee it. Follow this course for a few months, get a dating buddy and talk regularly, and watch what happens.

 I should start by telling you a bit about my own history with intimacy: I’ve lost years of my life thinking other things mattered more than love. Three things have distracted me most. One has been work, which has gobbled up my time like Pac man gobbled pellets in the video games I played during my search for love in the 80s. (I wasn’t good at either, but that didn’t stop me from trying again every night). Another has been my insecurity; which kept me from countless love possibilities. And the last, ironically, was in the way I searched for love – my unwise patterns of meeting and dating, and my fear of sharing my most vulnerable self with available, worthy people.

 Each of these phases ended when I slammed up against the immense loneliness inside me. I’m grateful for that pain now, because it made me ask for help; from gifted therapists, from a dating coach, a spiritual director, and from my friends, whose advice I was finally willing to listen to. And that help is what led me to the love in my life.

 What is your story?

What do you wish it to be?

EXERCISE:

Get a paper and pen, and get comfortable. Let yourself imagine having a future with a loving partner. Let yourself remember why finding a life partner matters so much to you.

When you feel connected to the importance of this life goal, ask yourself this question: If you truly put your intimacy journey at the top of your priorities, what might you do differently? Please reflect on this, and share your insights with your dating buddy and, if you wish, with this community of learning on this blog.

Have a wonderful two weeks, and I look forward to hearing from you in our discussions.

Today, on Valentine’s Day, I’m delighted to begin a series of free e-lessons for single people who want to tackle the transformative work of finding enduring love. I believe that these insights can empower you in your own intimacy journey, and help place you squarely on the path to a healing and nurturing relationship.

These ideas are close to my heart and I feel very happy to be able to share them with you. Here are some of the things I have found to be true. I think they all are causes for real hope:

~No matter what your age or life situation, there are wonderful people who are seeking someone like you.

~Dating isn’t really a numbers game. Other far more powerful forces influence whom we meet and whom we click with.

~Trying to find love through self improvement is ultimately a form of self sabotage. Enjoying and expressing who we are right now, works a whole lot better.

Most important of all, we find love through discovering and sharing the places of greatest caring and sensitivity within us, our core gifts. When we honor our core gifts, something close to miraculous happens. We draw partners who love us for who we are. I have seen this happen again and again, in the lives of my clients and also in my own life, and the beauty of that process awes me.

These e-lessons will help you discover and name your unique core gifts, and learn to express them with bravery and generosity in your dating life – to the precious ones who love and respect them. They will also offer guidance around a host of other issues, including sexuality and attraction, ways of meeting new people, and much more.

So, come join me on this wiser path to love. Every two weeks, I will send out another free lesson, each with an activity for you to work on. Please feel free to pass this on to anyone who you think might want to join this series. Join us as well at www.DeeperDating.com, where you and other single people will, in the very near future, be able to share your insights and experiences as you apply these lessons to your dating lives. So, here is your first exercise:

EXERCISE: FIND A DATING BUDDY:

To accelerate your journey, find a single friend who also studies these lessons, or is in the process of conscious growth around his/her intimacy journey, and talk at least once a week–to offer support and insight to each other. Pick someone who is both supportive and hopeful, whom you respect and trust, and just watch how your growth is enhanced. You will be amazed at the difference it makes in your dating life.

I hope you will join me in this free e-training. The journey to intimacy may be the most important journey of your life, and I feel honored to be of help. And please feel free to share this email with any single friends through the link at the top of this email.

Warmly,
Ken Page, LCSW