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#775
lamcbride
lamcbride
Member
@lamcbride

Hi Everyone, I too have enjoyed my journey with this class. Juliana is my buddy and we have enjoyed exploring our gifts….Juliana, I had a joyous week…smiling and tapping into my feminine essence 🙂

I was married for 28 years, married right out of high school, virgin and never cheated on my ex spouse. My home life was very controlled by my spouse and his family. Where we lived, ate dinner, holidays. As I tried to be the perfect wife, I lost myself. As time went on I found that I loved reading, and when my children went to school, I decided to get a college education. It was the one thing that was mine, my ex spouse didn’t bother me when I was in school and I found it a wonderful escape from the reality of the world I was existing in. Funny thing was, I just started so I could get out of the house and talk to people, but an Associates degree, became a Bachelor and finally a Masters Degree. I was so proud of myself for my accomplishment!!!….Never in a million years did I think I could do it. All I wanted for graduation was a cake (don’t ask me why) and my husband handed me a court order for divorce. Not because he had found someone, but because I was damaged goods now that he could not longer control me.
The core gifts I’m discovering are my kindness and perfectionism. Both have been painful for me in the past, but as I am learning on this journey have also created some of my favorite moments of joy. During my past relationships, I would find that my partners, children, friends… didn’t do things in the manner I felt were correct (perfectionism) so misguidedly thinking that I was being kind and generous, I would help them out. Taking on chores, financial obligations, even working a part-time job for ex spouse so he could be with his family. I can’t tell you what this revelation has meant to me! It was like the Ah Ha moment I’ve needed to move on! I also, realize that being accepted is what drives my kindness…I’m still working on this one. Am I really giving a gift with my heart if I unconsciously expect something in return (like love)? If someone gives me a gift, I’m afraid they will take it away(my friends are helping me get over this) they love and accept me just the way I am!

I’m not who I used to be, but I’m not who I am going to be yet either!

Linda